Support Changed Shape, It Didn't Disappear

Y'all, the seasons are changing and I already feel it creeping in. That heaviness that shows up right around this time every year, when the days get shorter and everybody kinda pulls inward. And on top of that regular seasonal funk, I've been sitting with something else too — this feeling of just... not having the support I wish I had.

Lemme be real clear before I keep going: I have more than most. I'm not complaining from a place of "nobody loves me." I see what I have. But even with all that, there's still a gap. A quiet one. The kind you don't really talk about because it sounds ungrateful if you say it out loud.

Some of that gap is grief, plain and simple. And grief doesn't have to come from a death for it to count, but in my case, some of it really is that. I lost my mom. I lost every single one of my grandparents. That's a whole generation of "call em when you need somebody" just... gone. My only sibling I actually have a real relationship with lives clean across the country, so even that closeness comes with distance built into it.

But losing them doesn't mean I have nobody. I have aunts and uncles who each show up different — one's the advice one, one's the "just come sit with me" one, one's the "don't ask questions just help" one. I have friends who've become family at this point, the kind you don't gotta explain yourself to. My kids stay connected to family through video calls and texts even when we can't be in the same room. So it's not that the support disappeared. It just changed shape. And some days that different shape still catches me off guard, even when I know it's still support.

Here's what I've been realizing though — we're quick to take a "no" or an "I can't right now" and turn it into "they don't care about me." And I get why. It hurts the same either way in the moment. But most of the time that's not what's actually happening.

We're living in a different time than our parents and grandparents lived in. Everybody's gotta work now — not just one parent, both. Everything costs more than it used to, gas, food, childcare, all of it. Our elders had time and village in a way a lot of us just don't have access to anymore. It's not that people stopped caring. It's that capacity shrunk for damn near everybody at the same time. Life's got everybody going through something, whether they announce it or not. Folks are stretched thin trying to survive their own life before they can show up fully for somebody else's.

So when somebody tells you no right now, that's usually not a verdict on how much you matter to them. It's usually just... the truth of what they've got left to give that day. A temporary no ain't a permanent lack of love.

Is it frustrating? Yes. I'm not gonna sit here and act like understanding it makes it not hurt. It still hurts to need something and not get it in the moment you need it. Sometimes that small "how in the world am I gonna do this" moment hits you and it feels like the whole world stopped, when really it's just one hard moment in a life that's still moving. I'm learning to hold both things at once — yeah this is hard, and also, I'm not actually as alone in it as it feels.

And can I say this part real quick — if you're feeling that heaviness, please use what's actually available to you. Take your meds if you need em. Find you a therapist if you can. Get you an outlet, whatever that looks like for you — writing, crafting, walking, praying, whatever moves it out your body. It is not a stigma to need help managing your mental health. We ALL deal with some version of this, whether we say it out loud or not. Asking for support, medical or otherwise, ain't weakness. It's just wisdom.

If you're reading this and you're feeling that same gap — like you have people, but you still need more than what's coming your way — I want you to know you're not the only one feeling that. A lot of us are out here holding it together with less help than we deserve and more gratitude than we get credit for. Both things can be true. The world really can be too much sometimes. And also — hey, we make it work anyway.

Love Always,

Your Favorite Craftin Ass Blk Grl ✨️ 🫶🏿