Pick a Side — There Is No Gray Area

Okay so I need to talk about something heavy for a sec.

I've had this pit in my stomach all week. Fuck, for many years. Not about one specific thing — well, kind of about one thing, but really it's about the pattern. You know what I'm talking about already. Where a Black person is the only Black face in a group of white friends, and then something happens. They go missing. They turn up dead. And every single time, there's more questions than answers, and somehow nobody's ever really at fault. Weird right?

I sit with that feeling and it's not new. It's old. Like generational old. Older than me. Older than my grandparents.

Here's the part I don't talk about enough — I live in Iowa. Predominantly white, born and raised, small town energy even in the "bigger" spots. My son goes to school with white kids. Plays with white kids. He's probably gonna grow up with some of them as his actual friends. And I still had to sit him down and have The Talk. Not the birds and the bees one. The other one. The "be careful, use discretion, the rules that apply to them do not apply to you" talk. He's almost 13 yrs old. We've been having this same talk over and over since he was five. He doesn't get the benefit of the doubt they get. He doesn't get to make the same dumb mistakes they get to make and just walk away clean. That's just the truth of raising a Black boy here.

Okay and can I say something real quick, because I said a version of this on Facebook not long ago and it got people heated on BOTH sides lol —

Not all white people are racist. I know that. I've said that.

But all of them benefit from privilege whether they asked for it or not. And if you know you're not racist, here's what I actually need from you: see color. Don't pretend you don't. Call stuff out when it's wrong, even when it's awkward, even when it costs you something with your own people. Pick a side. There is no gray area here. This isn't pineapple on pizza. This isn't liking pink or not liking pink. You either are or you aren't. Use whatever privilege you've got for something good. Go educate your own family, your own friend group, the people in your circle who still think the way they were raised to think. And no, you don't need to record it and post it for likes. Just do it. Quietly if you have to. Just do it.

Because this pattern? It's not new. It's not even close to new. Look at the names.

1955, Mississippi — Emmett Till. 14 years old. Lynched over a lie a white woman told.

2010, Mississippi — Frederick Jermaine Carter, found hanging from a tree in a white part of town. Ruled a suicide within a day. His family never bought it.

2013, Georgia — Kendrick Johnson, 17, found dead in a rolled-up gym mat at his own high school. Ruled an accident. His family fought that in court for years.

2014, North Carolina — Lennon Lacy, 17, found hanging from a swing set. He was dating a white woman. Ruled a suicide. The NAACP said no, we don't believe that.

2015, Mississippi — Otis Byrd, 54, found hanging from a tree days after going missing. Feds closed the case. His family still doesn't accept it.

That's 70 years of the same story with different names. Same "official" answer. Same families left holding nothing but questions, anger, and grief.

I don't have a nice bow to put on this one. No silver lining, no "but here's the hope" ending. Sometimes I'm not trying to make anyone feel better — I'm just trying to make you feel it. Sit in whatever comes up for you reading this. I'm not gonna resolve it for you because I haven't resolved it for myself either.

I just needed to say it. I needed to get it off my chest.

Love Always,

Your Favorite Craftin Ass Blk Grl ✨️ 🫶🏿